Perspective...Choice...Little Moments

Over the weekend I had the chance to attend the celebration of the 2015 season of the CMU Volleyball team.  It doesn't go unnoticed by me that this wasn't a given.  After all, I had been released by the CMU Athletic Department at the conclusion of the season once our head coach resigned his post.  The new coaching staff, led by Mike Gawlik, extended the invitation.  They didn't have to.  It was a classy move only to be topped by his ask that I say a few words to the team at the event when I arrived.  Again, classy.

Not having prepared anything in advance I let the moment take me and trusted that whatever came out, it would be right for the moment.  When you speak from your heart and from a place of love and gratefulness, you really can't go wrong.

After I faced the crowd and fought back the sentimental tears that have a tendency to overtake me, I told a story that seemed right for the moment.  I heard it a long time ago on from Wayne Dyer.  He was walking along a beach in Hawaii where he spent the final years of his life.  As he tells it, he came upon a women who was looking to move there with her family.  She asked him what the people were like.  Wayne asked her what the people were like where she was coming from, she beamed about the people in her community.  "They're great, people help one another out, they're interested and care about your success, it's like a big family," replied the woman.  Wayne simply replied, "that's pretty much what you'll find here," and continued on.  A while later on the walk he came upon another woman who asked the same question.  Wayne again asked her what the people were like where she lived. "They're not nice, everyone is in each other's business, no one stops to help or cares at all how you're doing," replied this woman.  "Well, that's pretty much what you'll find here," he said before he carried on.

The story is about perspective.  Everything in your life, every person, situation and circumstance you find yourself in is about you and the way you see things.

I asked the players to move forward, work hard and demand that their teammates work hard and to be the very best version of theirselves everyday.  Isn't this what athletics and life should be all about?  To do things you never thought possible, you will have to seek the uncomfortable.  That banquet, as great as it was to be there, was extremely uncomfortable for me.  The reward of seeing and getting to hug and laugh with those players one more time made it worth it times a million.  It seemed the least I could do was to implore them to live up to their awesome potential as I had done many times before.

Everything in your life, every person, situation and circumstance you find yourself in is about you and the way you see things.

So it is for everyone, so it is for me.  I have chosen to make my journey the fault of no one else.  I have chosen to make the best of every situation I am in.  I am grateful for my circumstances, regardless of outcome.  It is my hope that my choice of response inspires the players I used to see everyday do the same.

I grew a little over the weekend.  I hope I helped them grow a little too.  We all grow in little moments.  

Sam and Max

So in the past week I posted a couple of endorsements from some players. If you are reading this and are a former player, don’t worry, you’re not off the hook. I’ll be coming after yours soon, I’m sure! I’m gathering these endorsements from various people to use for different things to promote the business that I have recently began. In the world of athletics, these are important pieces of information to help those that don’t know you personally accept that you’re not a total crack pot. Let’s be serious, all coaches are a little nutty, this just helps other coaches and administrators gauge just how much.

I thought it fitting that the first player endorsements I posted were from Kelly Maxwell, a setter I worked with at Central Michigan University, and Sam Fordyce, a setter I worked with before Kelly while I was still at Ferris State University. Their differences and similarities are in abundance.

Differences right off the bat….

Sam and I hit it off from the very first conversation we had. She blew our entire coaching staff away with her demeanor, poise, maturity and easy nature. I knew from the very start that she would be a huge success and make a giant impact on the Ferris State Volleyball program from that first lunch during her visit. She knew it too because she took all of 36 hours to commit. Meanwhile, Max will confirm for anyone who asks her that she legitimately thought I might be the spawn of satan upon our first meeting. She, in fact, talked to her mom after I spent a few minutes working with her, about how much she didn’t like me. She did this, not in the context of telling her mom she didn’t like her future position coach, she didn’t know that I was about to take that job at the time. No, she actually disliked me so much that she made it a point to tell her mom, and it wasn't even out of dread for having to work with me, she did it just for good measure. Of course she didn’t tell me that until midway through our first season together, I suppose after she realized that I was only related to the spawn of satan.

And some similarities...

In demeanor they are both demanding, Max’s sense of demand came louder in volume than Sam’s but they both had a dead serious side that said simply ‘it’s time to work’. Both were very competitive, worked extremely hard, were open to being coached, and most importantly were excellent at looking foolish and being uncomfortable while learning. If I had to nail it down to why training with them went faster than with others, I would say it was their level of vulnerability and adaptability in training above all else.

You can find many articles, blog posts and chapters of volleyball books that address the setter-coach dynamic. You can find countless more that address the quarterback-coach relationship in football. There is a reason for the expanded explanation of this dynamic, simply put, it’s just different. It isn’t different in the way that the people in those positions do or should get special or favorable treatment. It is different in the way that when you’re fortunate to find the right ones, the depth of their commitment to the team and the sport they serve is more than most people can imagine. You ask them to try things that most would scoff at and certainly not be able to take seriously while they run with it taking it to the next level. Then they ask for more. Sam and Max both had that sense of indestructibility and vulnerability in training. Walking contradictions tip toeing on the tight rope that is the space of perfect training.

Of course, those risks are easier to take when a trusted teammate is there to catch you if and when you fall. Both setters had amazing training partners in their careers. I would be very remiss to not talk about those players here as they’re role in the success of the each of them was huge, selfless and often unnoticed. Sam redshirted her first year at Ferris to train and learn from two senior setters. Paige Wyers entered Ferris State during Sam’s redshirt freshman year and first year on the court. Paige and Sam trained together for the next four years. Max, on the other hand, was the back up her freshman year and then moved into the starting role as a sophomore. Her back up that year was Catherine Ludwig, the previous year’s starter. Both Paige and Cat were bigger parts of their team’s championships than anyone outside the team ever knew. Both of them, in my opinion, played the toughest and most important position on the team to perfection. Both could have been starters at other schools and rather than sulk or bemoan their situations, they supported their teammate and their position coach in so many invaluable ways.

No road map...

How do you get to that space of perfect training with a player? It’s hard to say for sure, but I know in both cases I expressed both confidence and vulnerability in the same amounts I needed it from them. I know that both of these players wanted to be coached, knew it would seem impossible at times and trusted that from every difficulty they would get better. I also made a point to answer the ‘why’ of things before they asked in an effort to get them used to asking and knowing the ins and outs of everything we did. Finally, in both cases I allowed them to figure out things for themselves and teach me along the way. A level of trust is born from these behaviors that allowed both of them, and me, to take risks and truly train on the edge of our ability. The longer you can keep your players on the edge of their ability or comfort zone, the more their abilities increase. Their level of confidence, real confidence that a person earns through sweat and tears, also increases with every training session until as Thomas Carruthers said, you make yourself as the coach “progressively unnecessary”.

Unfortunately there isn’t an algorithm that you can just plug in and see it work time after time. Finding and then training setters like Max and Sam is like a great golf shot - the one that keeps you addicted to the game because it was so rewarding - I’m just grateful I had them in back to back rounds of golf.