The Parent Pledge - Take it. Trust me. Your Child will Thank you...

As winter sport seasons start to get underway, a repost of an earlier blog.

If your child plays on a sports team, trust me...
NEVER DO THE FOLLOWING THINGS:

1. Try to get the attention of or talk to your kid while they're with their team for a contest.
- This includes from the time you drop them at the school/club/competition until they get back into your car to go home. Even if you've coached them in the past, even if you're a master coach or master former player yourself, there is NOTHING that should ever trump the sacredness of the team, period.

2. Yell or talk to the players/coaches from the opposing team during/after the contest.
- I promise you that if you have done this or do this currently, your son or daughter is embarrassed by your actions. Even if they say the opposite.

3. Cheer at the game as if you’re watching a dogfight.
- Are you kidding me?!

4. Yell out instructions to the team while they’re playing.
- 10 to 1 you are yelling the complete opposite thing the coach is looking for. If you’re not in the huddle, stay out of it.

5. Overreact to officials.
- You can react, sure. You can disagree, absolutely. Don’t make a scene about it. You look like an idiot.

6. Go onto the field of play when they get injured unless or until you’re called out there.
- Might just be a sprained ankle…don’t overreact. Go near the entry point, but wait for the nod from the trainer or coach. Your child is NOT made of glass. They will thank you for not treating them like they are.

7. Do NOT cheer to be the center of attention.
- The contest is on the field/ice/court, it is not in the stands. If you need some competition in your life, join a team, play some darts, run a race. Do not make your child’s game about you.

8. Yell at your kid for every little things he/she does.
- See #4

DO THIS:

1. Cheer positively and passionately for your child’s whole team and for great play on both sides.
- Be a great ambassador for sportsmanship and a positive example of human being-ness. Whether you think so or not, you’re child is watching and learning from you!

From the Roots Up ... Done Right

Some coaches get pulled into their roles because they have a strong sense that coaching is a calling, some because there's just no one else to do the job and still others do it out of a sheer sense of obligation.  I work with coaches of all stripes.  In the case of one Michigan program, the coach is a little bit of a combination of all three of those.

Coach Shannon Zinser, the Varsity Volleyball Coach at Clare High School, accepted the Varsity Volleyball Position last year.  She did this in order to serve her community and try to ensure that her daughter and the rest of the volleyball players' experiences where positive.  Oh, and she'd like to build the program into a winning one if at all possible.

Admittedly and commendably, Shannon doesn't have all the answers on exactly how to do that, so she reached out for help.  It wasn't enough for her to just coach a team as it's been done there in the past.  She is reaching for a much deeper experience for all involved.  In other words, she wanted to grow a program from the roots up.

So she set out to find a way to do that, eagerly finding people who would join her on the mission.  All along the way admitting her shortcomings and knowledge shortfalls while working to overcome them.  She looks for the 'right' people to fill staffing positions and roster spots, just as Herb Brooks did on his mission to shock the world with his 1980 USA Hockey team.  In other words, she's doing it right.

The results this year didn't shock the world, although there were some measurable improvements in overall results.  There is still a long way to go to convince the community and some of the players that this process takes time, but that it will be worth it.  There is also some work to be done to inspire the type of increase in work that needs to be done to improve fundamental skills to reach their big picture goals.   To call on Western Michigan University Football Coach, PJ Fleck's idea about reaching success, it is not a straight line:

Credit: www.whatdriveswinning.com (PJ Fleck)

To do it right, you will get worse, first.  You will see most of your wins behind the scenes.  You will be frustrated and second guessed.  You will have days it doesn't seem worth it.  However, if you stay the course and continue to evolve yourself and inspire your players, their parents and your community, you will find success.  

I commend coaches like Shannon Zinser and her staff that have the gumption to fight the good fight for the right reasons.  Keep moving forward!  

The "Bucks" Will Not Stop Here

They may still be one field away from the BIG GAME when they suit up at Traverse City’s Thirlby Field this coming Saturday against Maple City Glen Lake in the Division 6 Michigan state semi-final, but Pine River High School has been playing on the field of dreams, from a sports culture perspective, all season long.

A few shining examples sent to me from Pine River softball coach, Laura Mumby, points to some of the evidence of that.  Here is a school, literally in the middle of nowhere, alongside US-131 near the small Michigan town of Leroy.  The home of the ‘Bucks’.  A town with one of the best summer time festivals around, but not a whole lot else.  This is the setting you think of when you picture a small town.  LeRoy comes together with the towns of Luther and Tustin to make up the Pine River High School Community. Just like everywhere else, they have good and bad.  This is a quick note to point out and high five some good.

A good culture is, I think, most coaches' wish.  Creating a good one provides for an interesting journey and is often much harder than anyone can imagine.  At Pine River, they’re winning, and that’s great.  However, the more exciting thing to those that are around the program is that they’re winning by way of inspiration behind the scenes.  That’s more important in the grand scheme of things.  

Last year, Pine River player Tristen Nelson made an impact on little 7 year old Carter Norman while visiting a few lunches and sharing recess with Carter and his friends at their school.  As the Bucks geared up for they’re District final game back on November 4th, Carter geared up to cheer on his favorite player.  His grateful mom, Crista, made sure the world, and Tristen knew and as gracious growing leaders do, Tristen responded in the most heart warming way.  Take a look:

This run means a lot to Tristen, and I'm sure every player on the Bucks' roster.  They've clawed and scratched their way further than almost every other team in the state.  The team has undoubtably been uncomfortable and been made to conquer mountains more times than they can count this season.  I haven't been at one practice, I've never met Tristen or any of his teammates, so I can't know any of the above for certain.  I can, however, look at the pictures below and the raw emotion and sum up what I know to be common of any great journey.

 

Coach Terry Martin of Pine River Football seems to have built a winning team and solid program, making the playoffs most years and winning a district title a few years back.  The Pine River community is proud of the success of its football team and their advancement through this state tournament, no doubt.  That they also have upstanding players that freely show their humanity and humility as youngsters look on makes the journey not just fun, but important.  They’re playing from a deeper place of meaning and there are many hands on deck to reinforce that important point.  All of that makes this type of journey not just important to one rural Michigan town, but to our society as a whole.

Good luck to the Pine River players, coaches, and community on Saturday.  Continue to be great role models and growing leaders on your journey. Regardless of Saturday, these Bucks will NOT stop here.  They'll continue out into the world as successful young adults, and that's the greatest victory any coach and any community can ever hope to have.

United we ALL Stand, Divided we ALL get our butts kicked

Riots?! Really? Stop. 

I say this as a person of a minority group who shares a fear of losing rights recently earned, this is not what you do for a result you don't like. It's the very unAmerican behavior that those on the left claimed would happen from Trump supporters if he had lost. I understand your fear, I truly do. I also understand that this nation can and will only come through this stronger than before when everyone finds productive ways to express their despair. 

And for those of you out there who are Trump supporters or Clinton haters that read this....don't just like THIS one because you happen to agree while you read the headline of my 'this is why I despair' share and rolled your eyes! Don't like this one, and then continue to post about 'stop whining!' I remind you that of the people that did vote, (only just over half the population btw) MORE of them voted for HRC. So let's not act like it was a clear sweep of most people. It was a quarter of people in the right states. Calm down. To you I ask that you perhaps have some empathy. And also this: There are many, many groups in the minority who feel as if they've been dismissed and shunned by a nation they love just as much as you. Try to understand their hurt and fear at electing someone who so eagerly stoked the hateful, angry masses who are slow to accept the inevitable changing demographics of OUR nation. 

Bottom line: half of you, find productive ways to help move our country forward in a more positive way; and the other half, please express empathy and understanding to your fellow citizens, regardless of color, religion, sexual orientation, etc. Once again: #unitedweALLstand#dividedweALLgetourbuttskicked

I got your back, Ashton

"How much guts it must take for a girl to decide to take the first step inside football's closed society? How much strength of character must it take for a girl to approach a football coach and say, "I want to play on your team"?
How intimidating must it be to step on that practice field the first time and know every eye is on you, waiting for you to fail, wondering if you going to cry?"

This was Charlie Vincent of the Detroit Free Press in a September 8, 1992 column about a female football player from Rochester Hills Lutheran Northwest and me, a junior on the Bridgeport High School football team.  This column came about after I reached out to offer her my support and understanding when the superintendent of her school did not allow her to remain on her team.  My experience was much different as I was welcomed with open arms and enjoyed what turned out to be a difficult and incredibly empowering experience.

Fast Forward 23 years

Ashton Brooks is a senior placekicker on the Midland Dow High School football team in Midland, Michigan.  She's a leading kicker on a team in a league, the Saginaw Valley League, with pretty big schools.  A league that has, over the years, produced countless college stars as well as NFL players. Her achievements are not a small deal.  Last night I came across the story of Ashton not just playing the game, but excelling at it.  How was that excellence received by a cross town rival's fan?  She was compared to a gorilla on Instagram.  Click here for the: USA Today article 

It is insane to me that someone like Ashton, who has done nothing but excel in many areas of her life, would face this type of situation in the year 2016.  It's ludicrous to me that she would be the target of a bully and a racial bully at that.  As a white female I am offended and embarrassed.  I am outraged at the insensitivity.  I am disgusted that this is our climate.  

You out there, who think we've gotten past this.... You, who watches the scene in Remember the Titans where an opposing coach refers to Denzel Washington's character, Coach Boone, as a monkey 

with disgust and thinks, thank goodness we've come so far....To you I remind you that you are wrong and here's Ashton Brooks to prove it.  

Maybe those kids in the Instagram picture didn't fully understand how deep this hurt really goes.  Perhaps they thought it to just be a funny and harmless prodding of their cross town rival.  Well, it is not.  Moreover, this type of comparison is as potentially dangerous as it is hurtful.  In two studies by Phillip Atiba Goff, a UCLA psychologist, disturbing correlations were found by this comparison.  Quoting from a  blog about this topic by Jene`e Desmond-Harris from TheRoot.com:

"Take two studies that Goff worked on: In one, students who were primed with words associated with cats before seeing a video of police officers beating a man considered the beating unjustified. So did those who were primed with words associated with apes but were told the victim was white. But those who were primed with the ape words and told the victim was black weren’t as sure. The association between ‘black’ and ‘ape’ left our white respondents more open to the possibility that police violence might, in fact, be justified,” Goff said.

"In another study—examining 183 criminal cases in which a defendant was eligible for the death penalty, as well as the language used in Philadelphia Enquirer articles about those cases—“it turned out African Americans had significantly more ape-related images ascribed to them than did whites,” said Goff. Worse: “Among African Americans, the more ape-related images you had in your press coverage, the more likely you were to be put to death.” 

Still thinking it's just harmless, 'politically incorrect banter'?  It might be politically incorrect, but it is NOT harmless.

Speaking of political correctness...For those that claim political correctness has gone too far..it's killing our country...blah blah blah, I say this:  demeaning, degrading, sexist and racist language is not merely being political incorrect, it's hurtful and damaging to the very fabric that makes up our nation of immigrants.  

There are many that came before this young woman that worked hard to leave a legacy of a more tolerant society, from both a feminist and racial equality standpoint.  Ashton's story should have been one of only triumph.  Instead I feel like many have been taken 30 years back in just a few shorts months.  This is not okay.  We are a society of changing demographics with evolving expectations for men and women alike.  The white knuckled hold onto the past by the loud minority who longs for old times simply because they weren't part of the demographic that felt the pain of discrimination must come to an end at some point.  Right?  For this great nation's sake I hope so.  

So now I will look to send this young lady the same message I sent to Susan Stanley, of the Detroit Lutheran Northwest team, when we met all those years ago after she watched me play the Charlotte Orioles.  You're not alone and you're awesome and we will, together, keep working each day to change the hearts and minds of those small people who, out of their fear of change, look to dim some of our brightest stars.  If I get a chance to meet her and cheer her on, I'll simply remind her to keep serving the game with dignity.  I look to do this simply to help heal the wound I can only partially understand.  After all, when in doubt, love (not hate) is always the answer. 

Charlie Vincent's Column:

Climb a Ladder

The lack of women coaching other women is at a critical stage.  There are many many reasons for this, some controllable and others not.  Women who want to be coaches, listen up, this is for you. 

Every once in a while for the past few years, a few articles or studies come out around the same time talking about the lack of women in coaching.  I read most of them, I don't read every single one.  But every time I do, I'm left with the same feeling.  It's a feeling that there's something missing in these statements of outrage.  

Although I agree in part with many of the suspected reasons for the decline, I feel that at least in part some of the onus has to be on us - women in coaching.  As a female coach that fought her way up the ladder for 21 years, I am passionate in my belief that we own some of the blame.  No one will ever be as passionate about this cause than those that it directly affects.  Since that is true, let's just take ownership of the problem so we can fix it. 

I can't tell you how many times I have looked at coaching transaction websites with utter dismay at a hire that was in no way or shape ready for a position.  I know, it sounds caddy, right?  It's not. This is not professional jealousy. The eye roll is all too often prompted by a female coach who seems to have gotten a job that's over her head.  Not just over her head, but WAY over her head, to the point that the end result of the hire is entirely predictable up to the number of years or months she'll hold the job.  It happens and it happens a lot...many times with good intentions of administrators who mandate that either the department or their head coach 'MUST' hire a women.  Cool, but the female coaching soroity would rather those well meaning administrators looked at qualifications first, gender second.   

Gone are the days of past where a young and perhaps promising coach can get thrown into a head coaching job after her playing career, pat her on the back and let her work her way into the vast knowledge this job requires. The job is too big, it's too visible.  It's a good problem.  That means people - and a lot of them - are paying attention to our women's teams.  But hey, it also means people are paying a lot of attention to our women's teams.  

This is not to say that administrators shouldn't aim to try to find the most qualified females to coach their female teams.  I think they should.  However, there are administrators that have actually admitted to reopening searches after only finding men who were qualified for their coaching opening instead of hiring one of those qualified men.  So what's the problem with that you ask... Why so down on females getting more of an opportunity? 

Two reasons...

#1: The scenerio has played out numerous times...coach gets in over their head, they fail, they leave coaching to never re-enter the profession - that school is scarred and is less likely to hire female coaches in the future (even highly qualified ones) and MOST IMPORTANTLY there is one less female building her skill to move forward in the sport.  Perhaps this coach would have been great, we'll never know.

#2: That female fails and confirms some people's suspicions that males are just 'better coaches'.  The female candidate pool has a harder time getting gigs in the future.  Female athletes who played for this very under qualified woman have a bad role model, they themselves don't think for a second about coaching as a career and the pool loses future female coaching candidates.

So why is it worse when a female gets in over her head and fails?  Because as it is well documented, there are fewer. If you count men's and women's teams in Division I, about a quarter of head coaching jobs are held by women.  That 40% number you keep hearing, well that's only talking about coaches of female teams.  Add the 100% of males coaching male teams and you drop the overall number from under half to under a quarter.  The ripples of failure from female coaches are felt more fiercely than if a male coach fails.  Unfair, perhaps, but it's reality.  A seemingly outdated notion, maybe, so let me expand.  There is an unspoken thought amoung many male coaches in the volleyball world, usually expressed with only an eye roll at the story of a woman that failed.  'Of course she failed, she wasn't as qualified or ready as so and so that applied for that job' is what that eyeroll seems to say.  Perhaps it doesn't lower the glass ceiling for other women in coaching, but it does make it a bit harder for us to gain credibility with our male counterparts upon first glance.    Since all coaches, regardless of gender, need assistant jobs to gain expereince and becuase male coaches hold the vast majority of head coaching jobs and therefore are doing the hiring, those eyerolls cannot and should not be ignored.  Credibility in coaching is important for men and women, and I'm asserting that for females the importance of credibility is amplified and harder to come by when time and time again young female coaches get in too far over their head.  Again, is that fair - NO.  Is it reality, as someone who has seen a behind the scenes look at it, I'm here to tell you it is.  Especially in the world of coaching.  

  

My point? To all aspiring coaches, male and female: be smart, toil, work your way up, take your time to rise to the top, read more, study harder, learn from people before you, be responsible for your own mentorship, become an artist of your craft.  There is no such thing as a super star fast riser...it takes hours, a lot of practice, and many failures to build the skill of a master coach. Learn the craft apprenticeship style so your failures aren't so large.  Then, if you ware so fortunate to work with young women, build them day by day into confident women who will not be afraid to stand up to her boss for the raise she deserves or intimidated by the overzealous guy who thinks he can interrupt her every thought.  Like I say to every young athlete I work with in gyms across this country, I need you to be awesome so that you can, in small and large moments, change the world.

#uracoach when you keep it simple...

‪#‎uracoach‬ when you make complex ideas simple because like Bear Bryant said: it's not what you know, but what they know that counts.


Coaches sometimes get complicated.  Often it happens on accident and because taking complex ideas and making them simple takes a significant amount of skill.  This is a skill coaches get better at as they grow their skills.

Sometimes, though, coaches keep it complicated because they're insecure in what they know and are trying to prove their worth or knowledge to themselves and those around them.  

And sometimes, they just lack the disciplined to iron out their lessons to just the things the players need to know to be successful.  

At any rate, as you grow your skills - remember for the good of your players' development - KEEP IT SIMPLE ALWAYS.  Find new ways to keep it simple.  Find fun ways to keep it simple.  And then, end practice by keeping it simple! 

Happy Coaching!

‪#‎uracoach‬ if your players know you love them

‪#‎uracoach‬ if your players know you love them

This seems pretty straight forward, but so many coaches get it wrong.  Coach, you cannot just say you love your players, they have know it without a doubt and they can only get there when your actions tell them.  Why do you have to love them?  You don't have to love them, but if you want your team to reach the highest level possible, you sure better be genuine in your care for them.  

Whether you're a weekend warrior coach or someone hoping to climb the coaching ladder to make this your profession, trust me when I tell you to go find Simon Sinek's books and watch video of him speaking - ASAP!  Some much information from him and so little time...  One of Sinek's key topics is the importance of safety for our brains to operate at an optimal level.  

When you come from a place of love, and again this doesn't mean 'the I'm soft and have low standards for my players' kind of love, you will start to feel synergy.  Synergy is what happens on teams at times when everything and everyone clicks. It's like a magic school bus appears to drive your team directly over every opponent and piece of adversity in your way.  It's the result of every member of the group feeling like every other member is a trusted and important spoke in the wheel and instead of 1+1 equaling 2 it equals 3 trillion.  That all starts when your players know, regardless of their performance on the court, that you love them as a people. 

Some of the toughest, meanest, most hard core coaches in the world talk openly about how much they love their players.  It's not a crutch or a sappy admission of weakness.  It's a the most powerful driver of human greatness.  

#uracoach when you set a standard....and hold it...regardless of how it will affect the game...

#‎uracoach‬ when you set a standard for behavior based on great character and hold every player-especially your most gifted players - to that standard regardless of how it will affect the game

The standards spoken about above come from your personal values and vision for your program and your way of coaching.  It's when you don't come from your values or roots that you get yourself into trouble.  You see, there are too many decisions that happen day to day to address short term success that will trip you up, as a leader, if you aren't acting from a deep rooted and articulated place of value.  

From Daniel Goleman's book, Focus: 

If a leader is to articulate such shared values effectively, he or she must first look within to find a genuinely heartfelt guiding vision.  The alternative can be seen in the hollow mission statements espoused by executives but belied by their company's (or their own) actions.

Just some of the possible reasons you as a coach are enticed into not holding team standards:

1. Avoidance of unrest, as in avoiding the parental outburst that will surely come if you uphold the child of the wrong parent. (hey parent genius - your kid probably needed that standard the most and now she won't learn the lesson because her out of control mom just 'got her back' - What is that?!  You're not her friend, Mom!  And you just robbed her of the chance to learn a lesson that might have prevented her from getting fired from the 10th job she's had. Way to go 'Mom of the year'!)  You are literally preventing coaches from helping your child go through the rigors of life so that he or she can one day fly independently.  Your reward will likely be a child-adult at home with you for life so you'll have that to look forward to at least.  Assume the best of your child's coaches and teachers - the vast majority are trying to help.
2. Loss of a game.  Oldest one in the book.  This is on you, coach.  You have to determine if you're about winning first or teaching lessons first.  This is where the roots and values being your deeply held beliefs come in handy - when you're willing to deal with a loss and even a loss of a job to hold a kid to a standard - you are coaching for a purpose.  If you find yourself rationalizing a way to get that kid in the game when you know they shouldn't, you're just coaching to coach.  It's different.
3. Team unrest.  If you built your team standards on solid ground.  The rest of the team will appreciate and respect you for upholding the standard so team unrest will be short term at best.
4. Administrator overreach.  You players will respect you more if you leave rather than let an overreaching administrator dictate your actions.  Living on principle isn't easy, but at least you'll have definite peace of mind.
5. Be the cool coach - have players like you.  Listen they might like you in that moment if they get to have fun or fly below the level of a high team standard, but you better believe that all things being equal they will respect a coach who makes them better far more than they will ever like a cool coach that let's them coast.  I asked a player one time who was giving me a hard time about not ever goofing off in position training, 'would you rather make funny videos or be awesome?' They choose awesome every single time.

Bottom line.  There are a lot of reasons to undercut the standards so arming yourself with indisputable reasons to hold your players to the standards will help make extremely hard decisions, easy.  You don't have to have 100 page rule book if your why is right and you coach from that why regardless of the outcome.

For more on this- get yourself signed up for the August 3rd Intentional Coaching Workshop in Big Rapids, Michigan.  After June 17th the price goes up so get everyone on your staff in right away!!!  www.treerootsllc.com

Happy Coaching!

‪#‎uracoach‬ if you teach fans of your team to respect

‪#‎uracoach‬ if you teach the fans of your team to treat the officials and opposing players & coaches with respect

I hate to put it so bluntly...who am I kidding? No I don't.  It should be blunt.  Maybe blunt is the only way to get the attention of your fans.  Look coach, we want them to be fanatical, I get it.  You can chose to let that turn into ugly, disrespectful behavior - it's your call.  However, in a world where players have unprecedented access to information and spend time unconsciously sorting out the world's hypocrites, don't expect to teach lessons based on character while simultaneously rooting for - or silently allowing - bad fan behavior in the hopes of gaining a home court advantage of some sort.

Be proactive with your parent groups, student sections and community members by talking about their role and your expectations for their behavior.  Each group will have a different set of expectations and you can still encourage intense and enthusiastic support, but they can do that without being nasty and disrespectful.  Help them learn how.

‪#‎uracoach‬ if you teach the parents.....#3

‪#‎uracoach‬ if you teach the parents of your team what their role really is-and help them understand and accept the role their child earned on your team.

Coaching IS recruiting.  Regardless of the level you coach, coaching is absolutely about recruiting the people in your charge to believe in the vision you have for your team and program.  A mistake some coaches make, however, is only taking the time to recruit the players on the roster to believe in and fight for that vision.

If that is you, let this be a nudge to get you to focus on the other influences in your team members' lives.  Every time your players walk out of your practice or away from a contest they are inundated with the opinions and thoughts of their classmates, program fans, other coaches/teachers in the department/school, and the BIGGEST influencer, their parents.  

If you are not taking the time to make sure your players' parents are buying into the vision you have for your team, you are playing a high stakes game of roulette.  Sooner or later you will lose.  You might not get fired, but you'll lose in the way that your team will underperform.  This is especially true in the case of the role player who is working to accept their place on the team, who goes home to the former star athlete mom or dad who just can't understand what you could possibly be thinking.  Or the player whose folks are confident that he or she would be the perfect captain, not because they are the greatest servant to their teammates, but for status....usually their own.  Little Susie or Tommy can have the best intentions in the world, but to overrule the authority of their parents as they compare to you, the coach who spends less than 20 hours a week at most, with them - it's not going to happen.

Sure, there was a time when parents innately understood that even if you didn't agree with a coach, you simply would never let your child know. As a parent they would NEVER, and I mean NEVER, work to undermine the authority of a coach if, for no other reason, they understood that they couldn't possibly have all the required information to give their input - since they are not at practice, in the locker room and privy to the inner workings of the team.  That sadly is not the norm in today's climate.  

Take the time to recruit your athletes to see your vision and believe in it thoroughly.  Teach them that their parents largest window into your program is through their eyes.  Make sure in all cases you help your players advocate for your vision by having preventative conversations with parents about roles, about handling disagreements, and about the sacredness of the team.  In some cases, the player might have to carry the burden of countering parents quick to complain about a coach by not allowing themselves to use their parents as people they vent to.  Unfortunate as it is, some parents just can't handle not acting on the partial information that comes up in conversations like that. 

If you take the time to recruit the groups of people that surround your team, you'll find the sails of your boat always full of wind pushing your program through the roughest of waters.

Happy Coaching!

#uracoach Post #2

‪
#‎uracoach‬ if you recognize and teach your players and their parents that 'perfectionist' is a dirty word if they're hoping to develop. Failure is a necessary aspect of striving for greatness.

It's often the parent, speaking for their child who says it first.  For me, an avid reader and re-reader of books like The Talent Code, by Daniel Coyle and Mindset, by Carol Dweck, it's a cringe worthy moment.  "Little Johnny is such a perfectionist," the parent says beaming with pride or in that excuse tone coaches hear often.  This is the point of the conversation where I found myself doing a silent 10 count to stop myself from screaming before going on to point out that this 'perfectionist' idea you speak of is A.) Not a fixed trait - like he was born with and extra toe and so it' s just a part of who he is, and B.) It is not a mark of greatness.  Quite the opposite in fact. 

A perfectionist mentality suggests that one simply MUST be perfect to be satisfied and/or happy.  Since we know that there is no such thing, let's stop wearing the label like it's a badge of honor.  Those players who tend to be fall under this category do so for one of a few reasons: 

1. They learned early that if they mess up it is bad and so they better show the world that they are disgusted with their mistake to gain the approval of the adult who is teaching them.  Bonus points if they're really hard on themself because then they'll get that same adult to not be so hard on them and their mistake.
2. They were told time and again how talented they were at a certain skill or how naturally it came to them.  If you've read Mindset, you know that this player is now in full out protect mode.  They will avoid taking risks for fear of failing and will do anything they can to protect their naturally talented title lest anyone should find out that maybe they aren't as good as they originally were thought to be.
3. They are simply stuck with the misconception that they are supposed to be perfect.  Again, that is impossible and also unattainable.

These players will all fail to meet their potential.  They will all provide negative distraction to their teams, too.  Tip for you parents, change your language and help your kids overcome this mindset if this is them.  Most coaches on the recruiting trail will see this as a red flag to guard against rather than the selling point you think it is.

Don't forget to register for the Intentional Coaching Workshop by June 17th at www.TreeRootsLLC.com

Happy Coaching!

#uracoach Post #1

Recently I began a campaign called #uracoach in real language-ease that is "You are a Coach".  I'll take some time to further explain the one per day posts to encourage and promote various ideas for coaches of all levels and sports.  If you have questions, suggestions or ideas, please contact me through the Tree Roots webpage contact form: www.TreeRootsLLC.com or leave a comment.  The discussion is very welcomed!

The first installment of #uracoach ran over the weekend: #uracoach if you find a way to keep your players on the edge of their ability daily

Simply put, part of the art of being a coach is to find ways to walk the fine line between boredom and stress inducing impossibility in your training tactics.  As a player develops and gains the ability to run through skills with little to no mental effort, he or she will naturally and without noticing develop a sense of boredom.  The player's excitement over mastering the skill set will diminish.  As a coach it is up to you to help guide that player raise the level of difficulty just enough to keep the learning and development exciting and new.  Go too far and risk breaking your player's confidence, too little and they'll remain unengaged.  

There are many ways to do this for every team and individual skill known to man.  Think of this practice as applying positive constraints in order to force yourself to do something the harder way to increase skill level.  An example, in basketball only allowing players to dribble for an entire drill with their non-dominant hand, in volleyball adding a 2nd ball to a ball control drill that must be passed around while a ball is being volleyed, in football forcing your receivers to run pass routes and catch the ball while always being double covered.  In words, finding creative ways to place constraints on skills in order to improve the skill through challenge.

Great coaches, dare I say, also have a knack for teaching players how to put themselves on the edge, raising the level of difficulty on their own in order to take responsibility for their own progress.  At the beginning, most won't have the skill set to do this, but if you can train your players to adopt this skill, the progress your teams will make during the course of a season can be jaw dropping.

For more #uracoach posts, stay tuned.  Please get your entire athletic department registered for the August 3rd coaching workshop in Big Rapids, MI by going to www.treerootsllc.com

Happy Coaching!

Standards vs. Rules

In the MIVCA speaking appearance from a couple of weeks ago, I failed to get to some of the points in my outline.  In an attempt to make up for that, this blog will cover some of the points I didn't get to.  This installment will be about the bullet point 'Standards vs. Rules'.

This is a subject I've been asked about a couple of times and also a point I make with those that I'm working with on the construct of their program books.

Most coaches and leaders would agree with the idea that a high level of trust is the cement that the foundation of any high functioning group of people is built upon.  Yet, many say that and then pursue ideas and policies that breed the opposite.  Rules are limitations.  Rules, by their nature, lead teams to feel like they can't be trusted to do right by the organization or team.  This is not to suggest you shouldn't have any rules, but they should be broad and values based.  They should also be enforceable and be enforced on an extremely consistent basis.  If not, all the rest of the rules might as well not exist - no one will know which ones to follow and which ones are BS.

Even a coach as harsh and discipline-based realized this during the course of her career.  Pat Summit in the late 80's/early 90's started to realize that in order to help her team be champions on a more regular basis, she should adjust when it came to rules.  She did this before the craziness of texting, social media and every other influence we, as a coaching community, say changed our players forevermore.  She did this, because humans are humans and ten or fifteen years into her career, she realized it was her job to adapt to them, not the other way around.  On page 208 of her latest book, Sum it Up, Coach Summitt talks about it:

"I also made our team rules fewer and simpler.  I'd learned that if you have one hundred rules, then you have to police them, and kids are going to break them, and that just creates problems.  Better to have a few rules, but strictly enforce them.  I treated them as adults, until they gave me a reason not to, and usually they didn't.  As long as they abided by the rules, I was pretty flexible.  But if they didn't, I could be as tough as any person they'd ever met.  But I also prided myself on being fair, firm, and consistent."

"...But it was my observation that young people wanted discipline, even craved it, because they wanted to succeed.  They wanted an environment of healthy structure, one in which they felt I cared about them and cared that they did things the right way.  Deep down they understood there was a relationship between discipline and success, and they wanted me to show it to them."  Our rules and policies were just another expression of caring.  There is an old saying: 'Rules without relationship result in rebellion.'" 

Standards vs. Rules if I had gotten to it, would have been my plea to every coach in the stands to be very careful about what you put in your rulebook for your team.  Your players often time fail to trust you when you fail to trust them. A quick way to show them you don't trust them is to load them up with a bunch of rules right off the bat.  It's more than just semantics, and I really don't think it matters which word you use.  It's about the concept.  Are we telling our players what they can't do or is one of our main purposes as a coach and leader to show our players what they CAN do?

Remember Coach, the old saying that "we tend to judge ourselves by our intent, but we tend to judge others by their behavior."  A good place to start with your team is to have the generosity of spirit to assume the best of them and to judge them as you tend to judge yourself - by your intent.

Be careful when you set the construct for your team. Be sure to set your standards or rules based on your program's core values and not in reaction to misdeeds done by those before.  Be sure that your rules are consistently enforceable and as simple as possible.  This is the framework upon which trust and team success is built upon.

Make it about the what, how and why - not about the who

There's a trend in college coaching.  I don't think it's totally new and based on conversations I've had in the past few weeks, I know I'm not the only one who has noticed.  The trend is not good, is somewhat dangerous and it's growing.

First of all, I will concede that networking is indeed important.  Regardless of your occupation, it is extremely helpful to grow your sport, business, customer base, etc.  However, networking in college volleyball, as of late seems to be less about sharing great information and having deep conversations about how best to attack the complex job of building a great program than being seen out with the right group of coaches.

Coaching is complex at every level.  Coaching a college sport is insanity run amuck.  Coaches are tasked with the following things:

• Understanding at a deep level the nuances of their particular game
• Having great skill at training the skills associated with executing that game
• In game tactical skills
• Expert communication skills so they can communicate that game to players with an ever changing communication skill set
• Skills to both identify and evaluate the right talent and people to fit in with their program philosophy
• Budgeting expertise
• Fundraising abilities
• Knowledge and business skills to market and run camps
• Culture building skills
• Public speaking abilities to inspire their players, administrators, fellow coaches and fans to support the vision they have adopted for their program

So I'm just saying, perhaps the majority of the pie chart that makes up the skill set of the typical college coach should be focused on the what, the how and the why you do it.  Networking is important, sure, but perhaps lets spend 10% of our efforts on that and 90% on gaining the skills for the most important aspects.  We owe that to the profession, our players and the sport we coach.

Perspective...Choice...Little Moments

Over the weekend I had the chance to attend the celebration of the 2015 season of the CMU Volleyball team.  It doesn't go unnoticed by me that this wasn't a given.  After all, I had been released by the CMU Athletic Department at the conclusion of the season once our head coach resigned his post.  The new coaching staff, led by Mike Gawlik, extended the invitation.  They didn't have to.  It was a classy move only to be topped by his ask that I say a few words to the team at the event when I arrived.  Again, classy.

Not having prepared anything in advance I let the moment take me and trusted that whatever came out, it would be right for the moment.  When you speak from your heart and from a place of love and gratefulness, you really can't go wrong.

After I faced the crowd and fought back the sentimental tears that have a tendency to overtake me, I told a story that seemed right for the moment.  I heard it a long time ago on from Wayne Dyer.  He was walking along a beach in Hawaii where he spent the final years of his life.  As he tells it, he came upon a women who was looking to move there with her family.  She asked him what the people were like.  Wayne asked her what the people were like where she was coming from, she beamed about the people in her community.  "They're great, people help one another out, they're interested and care about your success, it's like a big family," replied the woman.  Wayne simply replied, "that's pretty much what you'll find here," and continued on.  A while later on the walk he came upon another woman who asked the same question.  Wayne again asked her what the people were like where she lived. "They're not nice, everyone is in each other's business, no one stops to help or cares at all how you're doing," replied this woman.  "Well, that's pretty much what you'll find here," he said before he carried on.

The story is about perspective.  Everything in your life, every person, situation and circumstance you find yourself in is about you and the way you see things.

I asked the players to move forward, work hard and demand that their teammates work hard and to be the very best version of theirselves everyday.  Isn't this what athletics and life should be all about?  To do things you never thought possible, you will have to seek the uncomfortable.  That banquet, as great as it was to be there, was extremely uncomfortable for me.  The reward of seeing and getting to hug and laugh with those players one more time made it worth it times a million.  It seemed the least I could do was to implore them to live up to their awesome potential as I had done many times before.

Everything in your life, every person, situation and circumstance you find yourself in is about you and the way you see things.

So it is for everyone, so it is for me.  I have chosen to make my journey the fault of no one else.  I have chosen to make the best of every situation I am in.  I am grateful for my circumstances, regardless of outcome.  It is my hope that my choice of response inspires the players I used to see everyday do the same.

I grew a little over the weekend.  I hope I helped them grow a little too.  We all grow in little moments.  

Why Donald Trump doesn't wear blue jeans.

"There are few things more powerful in our lives than a journey into the unknown." Terry Pettit in the book A Fresh Season.

Okay, I have a confession to make. I have no earthly idea if Trump does or does not wear blue jeans, nor do I care.  The drive from Louisville, Kentucky is a long one and it included A LOT of news, commentary and random audio book excerpts. In one of them, the talking heads were making a point about why the media isn't totally to blame for Trump's standing in the polls.  Never mind that they have given him a billion dollars of free coverage.  Literally, a billion.  This particular member of the media wanted to at least share the blame with the citizens.  His point was that every member of the media knows that if you add Trump's name to the title of the whatever it is you're working on, you're ratings, clicks, views or whatevers goes up dramatically.  So, here we are, not talking about his blue jeans.  Well that and I've been re-reading Terry Pettit's books as of late.  No one and I mean NO ONE titles chapters better than the former University of Nebraska volleyball coach turned author and sport elder.

The quote on the wall in the University of Louisville's practice gym caught my eye.  It's in the upper left hand corner of the PI results for the entire team and staff.  It's not in color or bigger than anything else there and it's not on some special lamented card stock for long keeping, it doesn't have to be.  The spirit of the quote is so adamantly lived out by their head coach - in every word spoken and action - this is her to the core.  The quote is by Winston Churchill and although he didn't know it when said it, it so eloquently describes what great coaches do on a daily basis.  They adapt and they adapt in positive and constructive ways.  The quote:

 "The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity.  The optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty."

On the four day learning tour that included Louisville, University of Indy, Purdue and Illinois, I saw example after example of coaches adapting to players. All four programs were unbelievably generous with their time, and all four had different ways of doing a very hard thing very well.  I'm not going to go into what each of the programs do and I refuse to compare them.  They were all great and I learned a so much from all four.

What I will leave you with are the Top 10 things that I learned or were confirmed for me during my recent journey:

1. There is no end line to culture cultivation.  There are also no shortcuts to good culture.  It comes in little moments, it comes through consistent communication from coaches and should be looked at as a living, breathing and growing thing that serves as the oil that allows the engine to run smoothly.  A dysfunctional culture is like dirty oil-neither is good for motor.
2. All four coaches/programs have drastically different styles, but importantly all of them give off the impression that they don't, even for a second, think that their's is the only way or even the best way-but just the right way for them.
3. Self Awareness is the key to building great culture.  You have to know your values, your roots in order to lead other people successfully.
4. Great coaches collaborate with today's players who expect input.
5. Players were asked to evaluate almost every drill along the way.
6. Practice tempo can vary wildly and still be successful.
7. Consistent communication about behavior not in line with a team's culture is important, but not more important that patience and understanding.  Great coaches take an educational approach to discipline.
8. There is more than one way to skin a cat when it comes to parent communication.  The range goes from not talking to parents about anything volleyball related to talking to them about whatever they need to talk about, including playing time.  As long as the coach believes in the policy and carries it out consistency and artfully, the canvas is the coach's to paint.
9. Great coaches express vulnerability to their teams, regularly and without regret or hesitation.
10. Simon Sinek would be proud of the programs I saw this week.  The level of safety in the gyms I stood in was very high. When I speak of safety, I don't mean that the players know they won't get shanked if they miss a serve.  I mean the safety to give advice to a teammate without fear for being told they're wrong, safety to speak up and take the team aside for a pep talk after poor performance in a drill, safety to ask questions of the coaches or ask for a more complete explanation if needed.  The kind of safety that allows a team to take risks in the pursuit of improvement.

More to come...In the meantime, if you know about the blue jeans, let me know at Tree@TreeRootsLLC.com  Happy Coaching!

Reactive vs. Proactive Language in Coaching

Excerpt from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People….
From Pages 78 – 79
Listening to Our Language                  Because our attitudes and behaviors flow out of our paradigms, if we use our self-awareness to examine them, we can often see in them the nature of our underlying maps.  Our language, for example, is a very real indicator of the degree to which we see ourselves as proactive people.
                  The language of reactive people absolves them of responsibility. “That’s me.  That’s just the way I am.”  I am determined.  There’s nothing I can do about it.
                  “He makes me so mad!” I’m not responsible.  My emotional life is governed by something outside my control.
                  “I can’t do that.  I just don’t have the time.” Something outside me-limited time-is controlling me.
                  “If only my wife were more patient.”  Someone else’s behavior is limiting my effectiveness.
                  “I have to do it.”  Circumstances or other people are forcing me to do what I do.  I’m not free to choose my own actions.
Reactive Language:                                                                                                Proactive Language:There’s nothing I can do.                                                                                     Let’s look at our alternatives.
That’s just the way I am.                                                                                      I can choose a different approach.
He makes me so mad.                                                                                            I control my own feelings.
They won’t allow that.                                                                                         I can create an effective presentation.
I have to do that.                                                                                                      I will choose an appropriate response.
I can’t.                                                                                                                            I choose.
I must.                                                                                                                            I prefer.
If only.                                                                                                                            I will.
                   That language comes from a basic paradigm of determinism.  And the whole spirit of it is the transfer of responsibility.  I am not responsible, not able to choose my response.(Covey, 78)                
                  A serious problem with reactive language is that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.  People become reinforced in the paradigm that they are determined, and they produce evidence to support the belief.  They feel increasingly victimized and out of control, not in charge of their life or their destiny.  They blame outside forces – other people, circumstances, even the stars – for their own situation. (Covey, 79)

        In coaching there are plenty of opportunities to see and work with athletes covering the entire spectrum of reactive versus proactive.  When a coach works with a student-athlete in regards to academic studies, the biggest and most prevalent task to tackle first is that of moving them into a more proactive way of thinking.  “My teacher just doesn’t like me.”  “I just don’t do well with numbers.”  “The professor’s lectures aren’t about anything to do with the class.”  These are all actual quotes from college students I’ve worked with in the last few years.  Moving them off of statements like that and into more proactive thinking is the challenge.

        We work to solve this problem in a few ways.  For example, we have constructed a pre-season classroom session that incorporates parts of Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People with study habits known to be successful in helping students make the transition from high school to college.  Coaches also talk to them and help them understand the concept of getting a degree versus getting an education.  Feeling like they are doing much more than just trying to get the grade really makes a difference in how they approach their classes.  It encourages them to take more responsibility for learning materials rather than wanting to passively sit and absorb random facts for the sole purpose of doing well on the exam.

      We find this type of ownership carries over to the court as well.   When an athlete is more engaged in learning new techniques rather than just doing reps, the ability for deep practice is much greater.

      Much more to come on this topic…