6 Ways to Make Life's Negatives into Positives

On October 6th of last year, my life course encountered an interruption.  I have been an assistant volleyball coach at the D-II and D-I level for the past 11 years and a head coach at other levels for 10 years prior to that.  On October 6, 2015 at about 1:30 in the afternoon, my head coach was suspended.  The staff did the best we could to steer the ship for the reminder of the season with many high and low points.  Then, on December 1, 2015 I was told my contract wouldn't be renewed as they started a search for the next head coach.  For the first time in 21 years, I was without a coaching gig.

So what to do next.  I said at the time, and many times before and since, that every time something has happened in my life that may seem like a missed or lost opportunity something better always - and I do mean ALWAYS - came along.  So what did I do next?  The 6 things I always do when faced with adversity....

1. Be Positive.  If you are not a naturally positive person, I don't know if I can help you.  I've been blessed with a positive outlook always.  I don't know why, let's credit Mom (Thanks Marge Beeckman).  If you aren't that way, regardless of how ridiculous it may seem at the time, find a handful of positive things to say about your situation everyday.  Literally a handful - 5.  It's called framing.  I read a quote somewhat recently about life isn't about the things that happen, it's about the the story you tell yourself.  Now there's a fine line between framing and delusion so it's always helpful to have a trusted circle that will tell you when you have gone completely 'round the bend.
2. Ask yourself, EVERYDAY, the following question:  If money were not a factor, what would I do?  In a case like mine, where the seemingly negative life experience is a job loss, this is a great way to figure out your next step if you don't already have an idea.  Actually take the time to let your mind dive into this one.  For me it helped to pretend I won the lottery rather than money just not existing at all...so of course I went on a day dream filled with luxurious vacations and a trip to Europe, Hawaii and new homes in multiple locations.  That was fun!  Then, I focused on reality and really thought hard about the question, day after day.  My answer: help as many athletes and coaches from multiple teams and levels of play, rather than just one; write the book I always said I would; construct a more formal education curriculum for coaches.  There are schools for acting, teaching, engineering and everything in between.  Meanwhile for coaches, we get playing experience and trial and error for the most part.  Really?!
3. Make daily commitments to yourself that you keep.  While mentoring players over the course of my career, this has become one of my favorite 'life-hacks'.  This can be something as simple as picking a time to meditate or work out, plan your day, read for a short period, anything.  But pick something and commit to yourself to keep that appointment.  In my case, I decided to train for a half marathon.  Just so the reader is aware, I am NOT a runner, not even a little.  Furthermore, I have always adamantly said I would never do something so unbelievably insane as to agree to run 13.1 miles on purpose.  Fast forward to today: I purchased a new running belt and headphones, it was the highlight of my day.  Help me!!!!
4. Focus on 3 things.  Regardless of what the nature of the negative life event.  Focus on accomplishing 3 things everyday that will make you a slightly better person.  Perhaps that means better family member, friend, spouse, spiritual being, community member, or better at your craft.  It doesn't matter, get better at 3 things everyday.  Don't try for 10 - just 3.  If you accomplish 5 things - cool!  Gold star!  If you try for too many you may accomplish none of them.  You'll chase your tail around the house until your family gets home and then feel like crap about your day.  3 things - everyday!
5. Be stubborn.  Look for signals.   The world will try to tell you that you should settle.  Change course completely.  Take the safe route.  Be stubborn.  If you figured out what you would do if money weren't an issue - work your butt off to make it happen.  However, keep your eyes wide open for signs.  They're all around you trying to guide your path.  Work hard and trust your gut on what they mean.
6. Read.  Read a lot, even if you aren't a reader.  I don't mean fiction fantasy escape novels to get away from the bottomless pit that has become your life... you negative pessimist!  Find journals, blogs and books from your industry.  Tap into the 'saved' portion of your Facebook account and check off all of those articles you tagged to read later...well, it is later and what else do you have going on?! Read anything you can get your hands on. Make it one of your commitments if you must.  Why?  While reading things your mind will make connections and have ideas, sometimes about completely unrelated things.  You never know where the journey of constant reading will take you.  

Bonus #7: HAVE FUN! EVERYDAY!  EVEN IF YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE IT.  That's a must.  Life is too good and too short to not love the crap out of everyday.  And I like to read so if you must, email me and we can chat...tbeeckman@gmail.com

Happy Life-ing!